Unemployment

I love irony, I really do. But it's almost too much irony to handle, that the day I make this post, the day after I really commit myself to "HTA Education", I get laid off.

I should love it! I mean, the reason I went into my boss' office was to ask him if he could spend some time with me teaching me a few things, there were a few topics I had pertinent questions on. Instead: "I don't think that's going to work out. Have a seat."

Oh.

I'm not sad, really, but I might still be in shock. I was not loving my job there, and the lay-off part wasn't exactly a shock to me; I knew that the work was not coming in like it had been (due mostly to the salesperson for our team leaving the company earlier this year) and I was concerned about working enough to keep my health insurance.

I am angry, I think, because there was this discussion of communication. Or the lack of communication, from my end. This boggled my mind in my firing-meeting and I'm still upset about it, to teh extent that I let myself be. Because I was meeting with my team members at least once per week and emailing them of every pertinent update to projects. And THEY weren't informing ME of pertinent things. On my third-to-last day of work I had a really frustrating exchange with a coworker:

Her: Lauren, did you do the research for X and Y accounts?
Me: I didn't know that there was anything new on those accounts. So, no, I haven't.
Her: [dramatic sigh] I emailed you about it last week.
Me: [searching through Outlook] I don't remember any emails about that. Do you remember what day you sent it?
Her: Not really... Wednesday, maybe?
Me: I can't find anything about that in my email. Are you sure you sent it to me?
Her: Oh, well, I guess I didn't send it.
Me: Okay, send it to me now and I'll get going on it.

So, my senior coworkers can't remember what work they have and have NOT communicated to me and I get shitcanned? I'm the one who was not communicative? That seems fair.

When I really think about it, I'm glad to be out of that environment. I appreciate all of the opportunities HTA gave me, I do, but the organization is crumbling from within. I had a verbally abusive coworker, an absentee boss (who also, in a stunning example of organizational inefficiency, also functioned as HR) and a host of coworkers who seemed to think that I was either lazy or stupid, and some of them probably thought both.

I'm still sort of shell-shocked that I have to go through the whole job searching process again--it's exhausting! But I think it will be for the best. I just have to keep my spirits up.