I've been thinking a lot lately about name changing. I don't know how I feel about this.
I want to emphasize now to Ryan: no pressure, no pressure. Seriously! I'm perfectly happy with the way that things are.
My mother didn't take Poulter as her name, which lead to myself (and my sister and brother) being given two last names--or, two middle names, which is how it functionally operates: though my full legal name is Lauren Ann Buchele Poulter, I use L.A.P. as my "full" name.
I have a few friends (Paula, Elise) who kept their birth names completely intact at marriage. I have one friend that hyphenated her last name with her husband's. I have unknown number of friends and associates who just plain old took their husband's last name at marriage.
And, of course, there's my sister; she and her husband both changed their last names to his maternal grandfather's traditional Norwegian name.
The thing is, though, that she didn't like Poulter. I actually like Poulter. It's who I am. I've had it for 24-plus-and-counting years. I always imagined that at marriage, I would go with "Lauren Poulter His-Last-Name", for all professional and personal purposes (I call this "going HRC" for the recent near-Democratic nominee for president.) There's just no easy answer for me. Ryan has not taken kindly to suggestions that he might change his last name to Poulter!
What is more interesting, perhaps, is women that I've encountered who married, took their husband's name in some capacity or another, and then were divorced, yet kept their married name. How peculiar! I would think that would be such a masochistic choice!
Of course, there's a story behind all this: I remember very, very vividly, when I was in the third grade, my mother instructing me that I ought never to hyphenate my name when I got married. Yet, when I was 16 and she re-married, what did she do? Hyphenate her name! (If you're keeping score at home, that marriage lasted only three years.)
I think, at the end of the day, I might be too stubborn to just take a new name, regardless of whether or not I like it.
To all readers (yeah, both of you. Ha!): if married, did you (your wife) change your (her) name? What was the motivation? I find this subject intruiging.
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8 comments:
I was very interested to read your post as I always wonder what people think of changing their names. My sister didn't take her husband's last name and I, too, am very fond of BURKE.
Things get a little messier for me, too, since I was very seriously (and now not as seriously) dating an ASSMANN. That's not a joke. Ask Glanzer. After much discussion, I think we finally decided that it means more to him for me to take his name than it did for me to keep mine. But if this ever happens, you can know that I am not super thrilled about it. I would only do it because I love him.
The more time that passes, though, the more I like the idea of having a "team name". So Assmann or another last name, I will probably take it. Along with the grief that comes with it.
PS - Glanzer is a super solid last name. Either way, I think you have a winning name.
When Calvin and I got married, I never considered keeping my "own" last name...but you did bring up a good point about people getting divorced and then keeping their married name.
NOT that I've ever thought about this (really, I haven't) but if Calvin and I were to get divorced, there are 2 reasons I'd keep his last name: 1) so my kids and I would all be "uniform". But this would undoubtedly change if I ever remarried 2) my business name is Jordan Krogman Photography. I could change it, as well, but it would take a lot of work.
I think if I were to do it all over again and REALLY sit down and think about it, I might actually have gone with Glanzer-Krogman. How German would that have been?? ;) I like hyphenated names, and feel like you get to keep part of your old self by doing it that way. But c'mon. Glanzer is an AWESOME last name!
Calvin wants me to add this: It would be okay to hyphenate YOUR name, unless your marry someone with the last name Geist.
Isn't he clever?
I married a really clever man.
Sounds like this is an argument for not hyphenating!
a silent friend of your blog
"(If you're keeping score at home, that marriage lasted only three years.)"
You think that you have problems, just imagine the dilemma that I'm in! Tell me, what do you think that I am supposed to do with MY ultra wicked-awesome last name?!?!? I think I just need to find someone that will be just as happy as I am being a Domenichetti... a little too long to hyphenate!
I just discovered this blog!
Now that you're actually engaged and have to consider it (and I am mentioned as a married person who kept her birth name), let me say this: I would have changed my last name if Justin's had been anything but Ellis. Elise Ellis. I can't write it and I'm not a Nabokov character so I can't go through life as Elise Elise. But Elise Johnson is hardly acceptable for an author, either. So really for me it was just aesthetics, and not a moral or political thing. If Justin had cared, I would have changed it.
If you feel like Lauren Poulter, then by gum be Lauren Poulter. But Glanzer is a perfectly solid last name as well. It freaked me out when I was like 18 to realize that my mother had been Teri Johnson twice as long as she had been Teri Haker. But then again, it's a man's last name either way, so what does it really matter?
I took Mike's last name, but did the dual middle name thing - no hyphens, 'puctuation' doesn't belong in a name. I figure that I have been me for 24 years - but I still have most of my life in front of me. Also, as a kid I had a different name then my mom and hated it. Having a child of my own, who has had a different name then me for the past 3 years - I hated it. So - now, much like you currently, I have 4 names but will only use the "L" portion of the middle name when full-legal name is required. End scene.
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